|
There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying.
The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Pick a nice day, it suggests, and try it.
The first part is easy.
All it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself forward with all your weight, and willingness not to mind that it's going to hurt.
That is, it's going to hurt if you fail to miss the ground.
Most people fail to miss the ground, and if they are really trying properly, the likelihood is that they will fail to miss it fairly hard.
Clearly, it is this second part, the missing, which presents the difficulties.
One problem is that you have to miss the ground accidentally. It's no good deliberately intending to miss the ground because you won't. You have to have your attention suddenly distracted by something else when you're halfway there, so that you are no longer thinking about falling, or about the ground, or about how much it's going to hurt if you fail to miss it.
It is notoriously difficult to prise your attention away from these three things during the split second you have at your disposal. Hence most people's failure, and their eventual disillusionment with this exhilarating and spectacular sport.
If, however, you are lucky enough to have your attention momentarily distracted at the crucial moment by, say, a gorgeous pair of legs (tentacles, pseudopodia, according to phyllum and/or personal inclination) or a bomb going off in your vicinity, or by suddenly spotting an extremely rare species of beetle crawling along a nearby twig, then in your astonishment you will miss the ground completely and remain bobbing just a few inches above it in what might seem to be a slightly foolish manner.
This is a moment for superb and delicate concentration.
Bob and float, float and bob.
Ignore all considerations of your own weight and simply let yourself waft higher.
Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point because they are unlikely to say anything helpful.
They are most likely to say something along the lines of, 'Good God, you can't possibly be flying!'
It is vitally important not to believe them or they will suddenly be right.
Waft higher and higher.
Try a few swoops, gentle ones at first, then drift above the treetops breathing regularly.
DO NOT WAVE AT ANYBODY.
When you have done this a few times you will find the moment of distraction rapidly becomes easier and easier to achieve.
You will then learn all sorts of things about how to control your flight, your speed, your manoeuvrability, and the trick usually lies in not thinking too hard about whatever you want to do, but just allowing it to happen as if it was going to anyway.
You will also learn about how to land properly, which is something you will almost certainly fuck up, and fuck up badly, on your first attempt.
There are private flying clubs you can join which help you achieve the all-important moment of distraction. They hire people with surprising bodies or opinions to leap out from behind bushes and exhibit and/or explain them at the critical moments. Few genuine hitch-hikers will be able to afford to join these clubs, but some may be able to get temporary employment at them.
— Douglas Adams, 'The Hitch-Hikers Guide To The Galaxy,'Current Mood:  amused |
|
I don't even know where to begin, or why this bothered me so bad...
Bre and I had dinner at In-N-Out tonight, and on our way out to the car, I was observing a group of youth.
I noticed one of the kids messing around with a pepsi cup that was flipped upside down. He proceeded to step up on it to try and stand on it, but it crumpled flat. He then proceeded to kick it TOWARDS the trash can. Usually this sort of thing doesn't bother me, so we walked by, and I tried to ignore it. That didn't work.. I let go of Bre's hand, said 'Fuck this...' walked over to where the kid had kicked the cup, (literally 6 inches from the base of the trash can) picked it up, and yell over to the group, "How far was this from the trash can? How far?!? SIX INCHES!!!" then I proceeded to toss it in the trash. The group was looking at me bewildered like they've never been corrected in their entire live.
Spoiled-ass Buchanan kids... |
|
Yay! i got a promotion at work today!!
I'm now the 'field supervisor' I'll be the first point of contact for the company, and will be in charge of assigning jobs to techs and making sure clients are happy with the work they receive. I'm totally stoked about my new responsibilities!.Current Mood:  giddy |
|
I shot my dad's Touareg yesterday afternoon, and was impressed with what it got... check it out!
|
|
I was wondering why I felt so special today...
I put my underwear on inside out.
|
| » craigslist |
|---|
I saw this on a friend's facebook... incredible!
Survival Of The Fittest
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2007-08-30, 2:03PM EDT
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
There can be only one.
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 409930561
Jul. 26th, 2008 @ 10:34 am
|
| » This made me laugh |
|---|
Jul. 16th, 2008 @ 07:57 pm
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
oh my gosh.. I feel terrible...
tooo many margarita's, grand marnier and tequila.. uuuuuuugh
Jun. 30th, 2008 @ 01:53 am
|
| » fire update. |
|---|
Looks like it's mostly contained. here's my estimated updated map.
View Larger Map
Jun. 22nd, 2008 @ 08:56 am
|
| » Fire near my house. |
|---|
Hey everybody. Thankyou sooo much for all your calls. We're doing fine and we're in no immediate danger, but are deffinatley wary because it's so close. How the winds flow in the area, I believe we won't have to worry about it. So, in the mean time I took some pictures when I finally got home last night.
To view my current set of photos for this fire, click the picture!
Love to you all!!
Also, here's a map of the approximate are that's burning and where my house is...
View Map of fire!
-ap
Jun. 22nd, 2008 @ 08:12 am
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
*big effing sigh*
Jun. 19th, 2008 @ 11:06 pm
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
You know what I just realized?
I get paid to wait..I wait while i run spy-ware scans, I wait while I install software.. I wait while I install OS's.. If i have to travel from one place to the next, I wait in traffic...
Isn't that nifty?
Jun. 13th, 2008 @ 02:36 pm
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
yay! I'm gonna go put my skills to use tomorrow! Don't have to sit around and make useless phonecalls... :-D
-ap
Jun. 11th, 2008 @ 07:43 pm
|
| » good day |
|---|
Had a pretty good day.
I was a slight bit hung-over this morning.. Fixed that with a "Big One" from Od's kitchen with matthew and melissa. Hung out with them for a good portion of the day and just kinda vegged out. I renewed my flickr pro account today. Figured that needed to be done. Check it-- http://www.flickr.com/randomlyadam
I put some new stuff up today. Anywho, gonna go read for a while before I hit the sack. Lates
~ap
Jun. 9th, 2008 @ 12:43 am
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
holy crap. what a day. BFD was great.
As Bradley pointed out
"Drama free, BFD!!!"
WOO HOO!
Jun. 7th, 2008 @ 10:44 pm
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
What a perfect waste of a day! Not that I'm complaining... Got up at the butt-crack of noon, sat around, read, got a shower then sat around some more.. Chatted on aim, got some peanut-butter toast, and sat some more. Then i got up, watched some tv, and then went and helped my dad get some information on the electrical system at church. Now I'm back wondering what's for dinner.
-ap
Jun. 1st, 2008 @ 05:24 pm
|
| » Scary-as-fuck drive to San Francisco. |
|---|
So there I was. Driving on the 101. You know how it is those early week day mornings.. Fast for a while, then slow FOR FUCKING EVER. Well I had just come from one of those nice spurts of quick moving traffic, when as usual, there was a large mass of slow moving cars. Me being the last car to come up to this group ahead of a group about a half mile behind me, I turn on my hazards as a safety precaution. Apparently that wasn't enough.
So, typically, I don't spend a whole ton of time glued to my rear-view mirror, but for times like this, when I'm the buffer zone for everything else, I tend to glue my eyes to it, and am I forever grateful that I did. I see behind me a large fast moving SUV. I pay it no mind as i flick my hazards on. I looked back up and I swear, this guy is booking along at roughly the speed of light. They apparently aren't paying attention. Fuck! I'm gonna be the cushion! Quick thinking person I am, I watch.. and watch.. and watch.. still nothing.. this person has yet to slow from warp speed. At the last possible second, when I'm positive this d-bag is gonna hit, they see me, as i break left into the thankfully vacant carpool lane, and this motherfucker is all over the place! They break right as i broke left, over-corrected and shot in front of me into the carpool lane. Thankfully nobody got hurt, but it could have been sooo much worse.
I nearly shat myself in the carpool lane. I have never been so scared in my entire life. I shook from the point, until I reached SF 45 minutes later. That motherfucker just about took me out, just because they couldn't be bothered to keep their eyes on the road.
Remember kids, keep your eyes on your mirrors and on the road. Put that cell phone down, the text/e-mail/IM you're writing can wait until you hit traffic, or preferably when you reach your destination. Your friends will understand, I promise.
May. 31st, 2008 @ 09:52 pm
|
| » What the crap |
|---|
For all things good and holy! My sleep sure is one of those.. Approximately 6 minutes ago, the smoke detector in my room decided that it's current battery no longer held a sufficient charge, and started one really high-pitch *BEEP!* every 30 seconds. So as you can tell, that probably didn't last long. Went got a 9v battery, the step-stool and showed that mother-effing smoke-detector who's boss. I'm going back to sleep. It's now 5AM.
Eff that damn battery.
Right in the negative terminal.
-ap
May. 17th, 2008 @ 04:56 am
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
Soooo, today's my last day at SVI...
Woo!
Apr. 28th, 2008 @ 04:01 pm
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
adamjp's journal